I have a love-hate relationship with “grey.” The color, the concept, any and every expression of the word, really.
It feels at times indecisive, complex, mysterious, ambiguous, indefinable, unaccountable to me. Somehow, “grey” can’t be judged on any grounds. It gets a pass. It is as if there exists no filters or rules outside of black and white. I like black. I like white. I know what to do with them. I like the contrast, I like the clarity.
I am surrounded by some really brilliant, beautiful people. Many of them are gifted artists and creative minds. They, unlike me, love grey. They find it inspiring and textured and nuanced and interesting.
I do not. I want to wrestle it down and make it decide what it will be. Black or White. Take your pick, but those are your choices.
My way seems like a much simpler way to live, right? Except the longer I try to live seeing only in black & white, the more blind I become. Blind to a world full of complicated, broken people. Blind to my own nuanced thoughts and emotions. We are filled with great intentions and mixed motivations. We are selfish and ambitious and generous and noble. Nothing stays entirely black or white for long, it would seem.
It is naive and overly simplistic not to acknowledge shades of grey. Sure, the resolution or decision or action step might be quite clear, but to acknowledge the grey in a given situation, at least for me, is to practice empathy. It is choosing to enter in to a subjective perspective, often one very different than my own. It is to affirm the heart of another, even when it might be misguided and camoflaged in hurt or deception. It is to see the world with eyes of redemption rather than judgement.
And I’m no good at any of it. Empathy is decidedly not my strong suit. Ask any family member of mine. Actually, please don’t! Just take my word on it! I do not naturally empathize. I am quite impressive at judging. I have to work really hard to perceive grayscale at all! I score almost a perfect zero in gifts of mercy on a spiritual gifts test. I am not kidding! You do not want me making hospital visits, you do not want me as a counselor. And while it’d be easy for me to leave the “grey” to others better suited for it, to do so would be disobedience. I am called to see the world as it was intended to be and as it one day will be again. To settle for anything less would be flatly reductionistic. And no one, not even I, like to be reduced to the confines of black or white. There’s a lot of life happening and ministry to be done in all these shades of grey. And I don’t want to be blind to any of it.